Order ID | 8379791793 |
Subject | |
Topic | re writing |
Type | Rewriting |
Writer level | High School |
Style | APA |
Sources / references | 0 |
Language | English(U.S.) |
Description / paper instructions
please, rewrite it.
I will send the paper that my group gave for rewriting.
My thoughts for you as you revise are to think a little more about the potential of the personal essay. At the moment I would say the essay reminds me a little of the kind of format you might use for a composition personal essay and I wanted you to encourage you to think about the possibilities of creative non fiction and that you can play around with this form a lot more than you might with the very linear form of the traditional comp essay. First of all my feeling was that it would be more powerful to begin with the story in paragraph 2 rather than with an intro paragraph. Take us right into the action! Second of all, see if you can draw out more scenes, more dialogue and actually more of the storytelling. I would for example love to see scenes of you doing your community service. What was it like? What did you think? How did it feel? Use concrete and sensory language to help us see where you were, what you did. Tell us how it felt. Even with the police scenes, this kind of concrete detail with really make the piece come to life so see if you can just get more detail in. The other thought would be to consider a little more the nature of shame and how powerful it is. What was it like to tell your family/friends? Was this difficult? How do we find our way out of a shameful moment? How do we learn from shame? It sounds like the service work helped to allay that and I think that in itself is powerful. The idea being that we can find our way back from our mistakes and this is powerful idea. Consider just meditating on that idea more. And I would say avoid the phrases that make it feel like a composition essay: in conclusion, in addition. See if you can play a little more with the form; don’t be afraid to experiment! Driving under the influence (DUI) is a serious crime, yet a lot of people take it lightly. It is something I have learned from my own story as I had a DUI ticket myself. Doing this has made me realize that I have to take driving and my life choices more seriously. I have once again understood that my actions have consequences, and even if I do not mean to cause any harm or violate any regulations, I still have to take responsibility for everything that I do. I have learned my lesson from the situation. After having to pay a fine, investing a lot of time and energy into voluntary service, and dealing with a lot of psychological pressure, I can say that I will never do anything that violates the law and will encourage others to avoid any violations too. I received my DUI a year ago. It was when I had to drive home after attending my friend`s birthday party. I had a bit of alcohol, so I considered myself to drive. While I was driving, I saw the blue and red light and followed close behind. I was pulled over by the police officer, which changed my life forever. Getting a DUI is a challenging experience because it is not only shameful, but also serves as a reminder for a person that one’s actions could have harmed others. For me, it was very important because it showed me that I should have taken my actions more seriously and with greater responsibility and could be punished for mistakes I made. When I had been pulled over, I realized that I was about to have a very unpleasant encounter because of the actions that I had just committed. The process was quick, and I still remember the feeling of shame and embarrassment that I had at that time because of my decision to drive under the influence. The experience was strengthened by my realization that the shameful process would not end there, and I would have to spend a lot of time, energy, and resources to handle the situation. First of all, due to my DUI, I had to pay a very high fine.( worked so many timesto pay it)Needless to say, it was a huge challenge for a young person because the financial burden was very hard for me and my family( I have not told to my parents yet.). The cost of paying for the crime in the literal sense created various difficulties as I had to think of finding money. Fines for various violations are so high that the cost of paying them prevents a person from ever committing a crime. So there is a preventive measure involved in them. That is the reason one will want to be extra cautious and think twice before violating any regulation or a law because he or she understands the financial component of the punishment. On the other hand, I had not truly thought of potential consequences until I was punished. It was yet another problem as I was loaded with responsibility later on. The process of gaining funds and later paying them was extremely hard and psychologically problematic, and it only strengthened my resolve to avoid drinking and driving ever. In addition, I had to do voluntary service, which required a lot of time and energy on my side. During it, I had time to think about what I had committed, and it made me even more ashamed of the crime and my irresponsibility. Voluntary service was an important experience because, first of all, I got to do something for the community, which made me feel a bit better about myself as I realized that I was doing something positive for others. It stood in contrast what I had previously committed. The fact that I started reflecting on what I had done and felt full responsibility was another part of it too. The ability to think and analyze my behavior was badly needed as I used to suppress the previous thoughts out of guilt and the lack of desire to cope with the challenge. Voluntary service actually enabled me to realize how important it was to do the right thing always and not to seek shortcuts. It has improved my personality, and from then on, I have been acting in a more just and responsible way. My school and personal life was strongly affected too because of all psychological and financial challenges that I had to experience.( got poor grade) It was difficult for me to manage my time with voluntary service(I would for example to see scenes of you doing your community service. What was it like? What did you think? How did it feel?)(cleaning trash and animal`s deadbody in highway During the work, I regretted at that time), and school work, and it added to my distress. However, in the end of the day, it also allowed me to learn from my mistakes. Having to go through all consequences and repercussions of my actions made me a better citizen and a more responsible human being. (also, attended DUI school and talked people why I had to drive and share alcohol experience how to change it to stop the alcohol or drink less) In conclusion, I will never drink and drive because, first of all, I understand that for every wrongdoing, there is a punishment. Second, I will never do this because it is unethical, immoral, and irresponsible, and my actions can have negative outcomes for me and for others, so I can never overlook that. Finally, I will never commit a crime because of internal feelings that I have developed. Thanks to my reflections, I have realized that every negative thing that people do badly affects them. Thus, one should act in accordance with the highest moral principles and with full respect for and understanding of the law.
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